Narishkeit, Pure Narishkeit

After two serious posts about Zionism and a long reply to Rabbi Fred Klein’s last letter in our dialogue (not yet posted), I’m ready to be snarky again.

For those of you who know the Mama Loshen (Yiddish), here’s a word that you probably love:  narishkeit.  It means foolishness or silliness and it’s no wonder that we Jews have a word like this.  We have so damn much narishkeit in our tradition.  Here are two great examples that came into my mailbox today.

Both of them came from a local Orthodox girls’ school that someone I am very close to may or may not attend (against my wishes, but that’s another story).

The first was this link from the Chicago Rabbinical Council.  It’s about Starbucks.  Here’s the chart.

You can see the color-coded key.  There's also a lecture and a great deal of background material and an article in a journal about halakha...whew...I’m out of breath!  Think about the amount of energy that went into this particular piece of narishkeit.  

This, friends, is why I’m a secular humanist.  I simply cannot imagine how this kind of community-wide OCD improves anyone’s lives.

But this doesn’t hold a candle to the other letter I received from a teacher at the above-mentioned “school.”

Dear Parents,

As you are aware, the period of time between Pesach and Shavuot is a period of mixed emotions.  We here at the school are looking to embark on a new program called Perek Shira.  

By saying Perek Shira one is able to change decrees made in Shamayim [heaven], especially if it is read for forty days consecutively.  The power of this prayer, as explained by our Rabbis in many different sources, is immense.   As such, we intend on giving every girl a booklet when we come back from Pesach break to take up the "Perek Shira Challenge".

Any girl who says Perek Shira everyday for forty days will be invited to a Grand Siyum [party] right before the holiday of Shavuot.  

In addition we would like to offer you an opportunity to give us names for whom to Daven [pray] for at $18.00 a name.  If you would like to help defer other expenses of this program as a sponsor, please contact me at....

Sincerely, 

Mrs. X

Allow me to break this down for you.  

First of all Perek Shira is an ancient collection of mostly biblical material that has “God’s creations” praising him.  It starts with praises from “The Heavens” and ends with praises from a dog.  

The dog says, “O come, let us worship and bow down: let us kneel before the Lord our maker (Ps. 95:6).”  

It’s a Jewish “See n’ Say!”  

Wouldn’t the dog be more likely to sit or roll over?  I can never get my dogs to kneel.

Anyway, after watching his chosen people clean their hearts out for Passover, that monster of all community-wide OCD rituals, the Big Guy is bored.  Plus he likes to be praised.  A lot.

So, parents, if your daughters will recite these verses for forty days straight -- no breaks or the deals off! -- then God will change something in one of his decrees.  

I don’t know what.  The teacher didn’t get into details.  Maybe someone won’t be smited.  Or maybe someone will.

Finally, she informs us, if you act now and send us eighteen bucks, then we’ll pray to God for someone for you.  

She wasn’t specific about what they’d pray for.  Couldn’t I just keep my $18 and pray for that person myself?  I guess the more people who pray, the more likely it is for Yahweh to hear it through all of the other billions of prayers.  

But I don’t know.  It seems like he’d be more interested in hearing what the dog says.